staff break

So I'm sitting in a rented beach house in Oxnard, taking the few minutes between meetings to write this blog. It's finals week for students, so our UCLA staff of 9 has taken a break from Bible studies, late nights and the constant pull of college students to chill by the beach and pray and plan.

AAhhhh!!! It's so nice to be away! I've definitely been feeling exhausted after this quarter. Now, I get to enjoy long, barefoot walks on the beach with Jesus and soaking in the hot tub with the staff girls. :)

It's amazing how just getting away from the bustle of Westwood for a little while has helped me to hear God's voice in the past couple of days. Some things He's been talking to me about has been my future plans for next year and what sincere Christian leadership looks like. You can ask me more about this, or I'll blog about it later.

Some things we've been doing here:

• Evaluating where our movement is now and where it's going
• Playing beach volleyball
• Brainstorming ideas for the rest of the year
• Spending time with Jesus
  

James Franco ministry

So I found out something today that pretty much rocked my world on multiple levels. But let me start from the beginning....

Two months ago a girl named Kimberly started coming to our events. We started getting to know her and hearing her life story. She is originally from Texas where she grew up with a father who is physically abusive. Kimberly and her mother eventually fled from her father and lived in a shelter for battered women and their children. In time, Kimberly went to college and was accepted to UCLA as a transfer student. She came to UCLA this quarter and that's when I met her at one of our women's social events. She shared how she moved to LA and lives with her boyfriend as she goes to school. She said she came from a Catholic background growing up, but was really interested in learning more about God while at UCLA.

Fast forward a couple weeks, and Kimberly went to our Fall Retreat. At the end of the weekend, she stood up in front of all the students and shared how she understands what it means to have a relationship with Christ for the first time, and how she is overjoyed to discover her new life with God!!! Although she was raised with a general idea of God, she just recently took the step of faith to give her whole life over to the Lord, understanding how Christ died for her and desires to give her with abundant life through the Holy Spirit. Amen!! Praise God!

Here's Kimberly & me at Fall Retreat

But that's just the beginning of the story. Kimberly, now a new Christian, went to class the next week. Now it's a little known fact James Franco is a student at UCLA. If you don't know who James Franco is, this is him.


He plays the role of Harry in Spiderman. (Yea, UCLA is cool like that) Anyways, Kimberly happens to have a class with James and sits down next to him on this day. Apparently, not many other students help out James in this class and Kimberly, knowing that she is to now a Christian and is called to love all people with God's love, decided to befriend him and help him out. In their conversation, it comes up that Kimberly just recently became a Christian.

"So, what's your religious background?" She asked.

Just as he was about to respond, they were cut off by something going on in class. But James and Kimberly became friends and soon afterwards, she asked him about his spiritual background. So James shares about his spiritual beliefs, and Kimberly had the impression that he is in a place of searching his spiritual life. They're continuing to be friends and Kimberly is sharing her faith and praying that James would also become a Christian. Pray for James Franco to know Jesus as his savior!

So here we have our new baby Christian, Kimberly, excited about her relationship with God and sharing her faith with James Franco! Cool, huh? Haha. Reaching LA, one movie star at a time. God's awesome.

on campus today...

I go onto campus today, unsure of what to do. It's 5 pm, and all the students are going home and walking in the opposite direction. But here I am - bouncing down Bruin walk, asking God for direction. What's gotten into me?! I don't remember the last time (if there was a last time) I went to campus all by myself, without any agenda.

I start to pray, and God gives me some vision. "Lord, raise up leaders from the Asian community! Set the captives free and heal the brokenhearted! These are a holy nation, a chosen generation. Set them apart for Your sake to be holy and blameless, oaks of righteousness in this generation! Raise up Asian students who really get it, who understand what You, oh God, require; who live and breathe for you; who will go to every tribe, tongue and nation in Your name..."

As I pray, I start to notice how many Asian students there are on this campus. Somehow, my heart starts beating with love and compassion for them, as if I know them intimately somehow and just genuinely care about them. Huh. That's weird. I've never felt that way about strangers before.

Ok, here I go! I'm approaching the main walk of campus. Pretty much, no one is there. Except for this one girl and a guy who is talking to a girl. I slow my steps and start drifting towards the Asian girl sitting on the table. Well, here goes nothing....

"Hi! Um, so, I was just walking around campus and I was, uh, wondering if... there was anything that I could pray for you about."

The girl looks at me. At first, she seems a little concerned, as if I'm asking for help or something, but as soon as I mention prayer her countenance changes.

"Sure, yea! I could use some prayer."

Wow. Sweet. That was easy. She introduces herself. Ellen (not her real name, for privacy purposes) invites me to sit next to her on top of the table. I sit down and ask her how I can pray for her. She tells me that she's feeling sick. "Perfect!" I think, "I can pray for healing for her!"

"Aw, I'm sorry you're not feeling well. What's going on? How do you feel sick?"

Ellen's eyes drift into the distance for a few seconds. "Well," she starts, "Ok. So here's what's going on..."

She goes on to tell me that over the weekend she dropped E (that means taking the drug ecstasy, for you innocent ones out there) at a rave that she thinks was mixed with cocaine. It was her third time doing so, but this time it was really bad. She felt like she was really tripping out, and her friend who was also there took 2 pills and was slipping in and out of consciousness. Eventually, they knew that they had to get home, so Ellen drives home, even though she was still tripping out and was feeling really weird because of whatever the pill was laced with. Thank God they didn't get into an accident! (sorry to scare any of you cautious drivers) She couldn't sleep until 6 am and slept the whole next day and then stayed up late again to study.

Sometime during our conversation, Ellen's friend joins us. At this point, I look over and see tears rolling down Ellen's face. The whole time I am just listening and nodding, agreeing with Ellen's friend that the whole thing probably wasn't a good idea. Ellen turns excitedly to her friend and informs her, "Hey! She's going to pray for me!"

So I did. I'm not sure exactly what I prayed, but even now I pray that God would reveal to her His plan and His ways for her, that He would lift her from the place that she is in now and set her feet on the rock of Jesus, that He would exchange her ashes for a crown and her mourning for dancing in His salvation and ability to give her new life in exchange for her broken one. I also pray that she would be miraculously healed and feel better tonight, and know that it was God.

After praying, we hugged and I invited her to our next Epic event. She thanked me and said "God bless you" and left with tears still streaming down her face. I hope that she is uplifted, but I may never find out. Regardless, I know that my spirit is.

This all brings me back to this verse that I have been meditating on over and over this year. "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick." (Matt. 9:12) Just now reading this verse again, I notice what Jesus says right after, "But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

Right after I finished talking to Ellen I was immediately shot down by 2 other girls I tried to approach. I am realizing that these latter instances are what I have come to expect whenever I go out on campus. "Where are the sick? Those are the people I want to talk to!" I often gripe to God and to others. I am tired of talking to people who reject prayer, who act like they have everything all together. They don't see their need for Jesus, our savior, or at least they try to hide it. I know that they are just as in need of Jesus as we all are, but their eyes have been blinded by pride!

I am reminded of myself. I once rejected Jesus and all religion, most of all Christianity. I spat in God's face. I was so confident in my ability to live my own life, a good life, without any religious "crutch." It wasn't until God revealed to me my own shortcomings, giving me over to my sin and my brokenness that I realized that I was only fooling myself. Oh God, how merciful you are. How rich in mercy, to show us our disease so that we can come to You to be healed.

Post-thanksgiving Reflections

The past couple months have been such a blur! I can't believe that the quarter is almost done. After my first 10 weeks of full-time ministry, there's a lot I have to reflect on.

Some highlights of the past couple months:
-I started leading a sophomore girl Bible study in the dorms
-Epic (Asian American ministry) is up and running
-We had our annual UCLA Fall Retreat
-A girl received Christ at Fall Retreat!!!! :)
-I went to an intern briefing in Lake Arrowhead for all the new CCC interns in our region
-We had the Crossroads Conference for juniors and seniors in our region to help them make Biblical decisions about their futures

I'm still feeling like I am getting used to everything. I am not sure if I know what I'm doing!
All I know is that in my heart I long to see people grasp who Jesus is fully and completely, to see His love and His glory revealed through the cross. I desire to see Him exalted among UCLA students. There's nothing better than seeing the students that I meet with grow in their relationships with Christ! I love discipleship, especially when students are so eager and hungry to learn! It makes teaching so much easier.

However, I have the aching sense that I may not be doing all that I can do. I want to be ministering not just to Christians, but to those who don't know Christ, or perhaps have never heard the gospel fully. I love seeing the girls that I'm meeting with in CCC share their faith, and in a way this is even more encouraging - to see the people I am pouring into pour into others. Yet at the start of this year I felt like God had put the Asian community on my heart, and I am still trying to figure out what it looks like to reach out to them. I don't want to just preach the gospel, but to truly live it. Part of me feels that the reason why I haven't seen much happen is my fear of failure if I risked a lot to step out in faith. Please pray for me as I consider and pray about what the Lord might lead me to do, and that I wouldn't fear man or any human thing above fearing the Lord and obeying Him!

One thing that I am looking forward to is hearing from the Epic national team about where I will be going this summer! I can't wait to see where I might be sent, and I'm so excited to take students with me to do cross-cultural ministry! I'll keep you updated when I hear back in a few weeks.

Please send me any prayer requests that you have! I would love to be praying for you.

a testimony of His faithfulness

"I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry." -Psalm 40:1

By the end of the summer, my patience was waning. For three months I had been searching and praying for ministry partners who would support me financially to minister to UCLA students, and still I was at less than 30% of my monthly support goal. Every day and night I was crying out to God to provide for me, but the chances of me being able to report to UCLA on time were looking grim. Then suddenly, the day before the first week of school, all the rest of the money came in!

Looking back on those weeks before my report date that I was literally crying to God, on the brink of losing all hope that raising this much money was possible, I can see how God was challenging me and loving me through the whole process. He answered my prayers for an awesome support team who would believe in me and fight with me in prayer. He showed me that my worth is not based on human ideas of success. He showed me his power and his grace in giving me all I could ask for and more. He gave me a picture of utter brokenness and trust. And most of all, he showed me that he is God, and I am not. What is impossible with men is truly possible with God!

Now, I am beginning my new job as a UCLA campus missionary, and honestly, I don't think I realized exactly what I was getting myself into! Having graduated from UCLA, I pictured myself this year being in my comfort zone, doing what I do best and thriving. Instead, I am finding the opposite is true! I am being stretched and tested. I have felt overwhelmed, weak, and frustrated. And somehow, through it all, I know that I am exactly where I need to be. At times that I have been weak, I sense the Lord is strong. At times that I have felt overwhelmed, I have been brought to my knees in prayer. At times that I have been tired, I have found rest in God. Now, more than ever, my desire is to seek the Lord, to trust in him and to love his people more.

My heart yearns for the Lord! It beats for Jesus, my savior! Who else but he could be so faithful and just? Pray for me, that I would continue to be teachable, soft clay to be molded by his hands.