on campus today...

I go onto campus today, unsure of what to do. It's 5 pm, and all the students are going home and walking in the opposite direction. But here I am - bouncing down Bruin walk, asking God for direction. What's gotten into me?! I don't remember the last time (if there was a last time) I went to campus all by myself, without any agenda.

I start to pray, and God gives me some vision. "Lord, raise up leaders from the Asian community! Set the captives free and heal the brokenhearted! These are a holy nation, a chosen generation. Set them apart for Your sake to be holy and blameless, oaks of righteousness in this generation! Raise up Asian students who really get it, who understand what You, oh God, require; who live and breathe for you; who will go to every tribe, tongue and nation in Your name..."

As I pray, I start to notice how many Asian students there are on this campus. Somehow, my heart starts beating with love and compassion for them, as if I know them intimately somehow and just genuinely care about them. Huh. That's weird. I've never felt that way about strangers before.

Ok, here I go! I'm approaching the main walk of campus. Pretty much, no one is there. Except for this one girl and a guy who is talking to a girl. I slow my steps and start drifting towards the Asian girl sitting on the table. Well, here goes nothing....

"Hi! Um, so, I was just walking around campus and I was, uh, wondering if... there was anything that I could pray for you about."

The girl looks at me. At first, she seems a little concerned, as if I'm asking for help or something, but as soon as I mention prayer her countenance changes.

"Sure, yea! I could use some prayer."

Wow. Sweet. That was easy. She introduces herself. Ellen (not her real name, for privacy purposes) invites me to sit next to her on top of the table. I sit down and ask her how I can pray for her. She tells me that she's feeling sick. "Perfect!" I think, "I can pray for healing for her!"

"Aw, I'm sorry you're not feeling well. What's going on? How do you feel sick?"

Ellen's eyes drift into the distance for a few seconds. "Well," she starts, "Ok. So here's what's going on..."

She goes on to tell me that over the weekend she dropped E (that means taking the drug ecstasy, for you innocent ones out there) at a rave that she thinks was mixed with cocaine. It was her third time doing so, but this time it was really bad. She felt like she was really tripping out, and her friend who was also there took 2 pills and was slipping in and out of consciousness. Eventually, they knew that they had to get home, so Ellen drives home, even though she was still tripping out and was feeling really weird because of whatever the pill was laced with. Thank God they didn't get into an accident! (sorry to scare any of you cautious drivers) She couldn't sleep until 6 am and slept the whole next day and then stayed up late again to study.

Sometime during our conversation, Ellen's friend joins us. At this point, I look over and see tears rolling down Ellen's face. The whole time I am just listening and nodding, agreeing with Ellen's friend that the whole thing probably wasn't a good idea. Ellen turns excitedly to her friend and informs her, "Hey! She's going to pray for me!"

So I did. I'm not sure exactly what I prayed, but even now I pray that God would reveal to her His plan and His ways for her, that He would lift her from the place that she is in now and set her feet on the rock of Jesus, that He would exchange her ashes for a crown and her mourning for dancing in His salvation and ability to give her new life in exchange for her broken one. I also pray that she would be miraculously healed and feel better tonight, and know that it was God.

After praying, we hugged and I invited her to our next Epic event. She thanked me and said "God bless you" and left with tears still streaming down her face. I hope that she is uplifted, but I may never find out. Regardless, I know that my spirit is.

This all brings me back to this verse that I have been meditating on over and over this year. "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick." (Matt. 9:12) Just now reading this verse again, I notice what Jesus says right after, "But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

Right after I finished talking to Ellen I was immediately shot down by 2 other girls I tried to approach. I am realizing that these latter instances are what I have come to expect whenever I go out on campus. "Where are the sick? Those are the people I want to talk to!" I often gripe to God and to others. I am tired of talking to people who reject prayer, who act like they have everything all together. They don't see their need for Jesus, our savior, or at least they try to hide it. I know that they are just as in need of Jesus as we all are, but their eyes have been blinded by pride!

I am reminded of myself. I once rejected Jesus and all religion, most of all Christianity. I spat in God's face. I was so confident in my ability to live my own life, a good life, without any religious "crutch." It wasn't until God revealed to me my own shortcomings, giving me over to my sin and my brokenness that I realized that I was only fooling myself. Oh God, how merciful you are. How rich in mercy, to show us our disease so that we can come to You to be healed.