our stellar Tokyo team!

So on my last blog (the one right below), I told you guys about Jessica. She said it was okay that I am writing about her, and that she's excited that her testimony can encourage others!

So just a recap... Jessica is the one who came to Christ at Epic Conference in February. I had the divine opportunity to pray with her as she confessed hard stuff from her life with me for the first time during a night of worship and confession. Talking to her after the conference, I found out that she was leaving behind a life in the party scene at Oregon State and trying to grow in her relationship with God, without much Christian community around her.

Now this new believer is coming with us to Japan to share the gospel with Japanese students, only a few months after receiving Christ herself! But God is already moving in her life to cause her to be a bold and faithful witness.

Last week Jessica told me that at OSU, Epic put on a conference for students. At this conference, she invited some of her non-Christian friends who were also in the party scene to go. During one time of worship, Jessica was praying for a girl friend of hers when her friend started breaking down into tears. She let go of her past life and accepted Christ on the spot!!

Wow. I am praising God for His work in and through Jessica's new faith to bring her friends to Christ! I know God is already preparing our Epic Tokyo Team for an amazing summer of BREAKTHROUGH in Japan.

Please be praying for Jessica, too. I know that God is doing incredible things in her life, but at the same time the enemy is angry that she is now a daughter of the Most High God. Pray that she finds all of her worth in Jesus, not in guys, body image, or anything else. Pray that she would be healed of past wounds and that God would fill her with His spirit and lead her. Also pray for her financial support as she is raising the $5000 it costs to go to Japan. Let me know if you want to support Jessica financially. You can make a check out to Campus Crusade for Christ and email me so I can tell you where to send it. Thanks for reading!

when God reveals the fruit...

I think God has often given me the role of the sower. Sowers get to share their faith and prepare the way, to pray, to sow many seeds on the field of life. The seed falls on all sorts of people, taking root in some places or being snatched away in others. Being a sower is not always a fun job. Sowers end up casting out a lot of seed, and don't always get to see the harvest. They don't get to taste the fruit of their labor, except on rare occasions. To continue sowing without seeing the result requires perseverance, patience, and faith.... things that I am always needing more of!

But every now and then, God reveals something astounding! And it reveals His heart and His glory all the more.

So my story starts with Epic Conference last month... and amazing time in which Asian Americans from all over the west coast gathered to worship God and be sent out as His worshipers in the world. There are so many stories to tell! But one night in particular, the speaker gave an altar call to anyone who wanted to step forward and confess sins that they had never confessed before. It was a powerful and moving time. The Holy Spirit was thick as we worshiped. Many were crying and coming forward with sincerity. People were all around the room praying for one another. As one of the staff, I was in the front waiting for any students who desired to come forward to ask for prayer. One by one, students walked up to the other staff around me and started to talk and pray. Soon, worship was coming to a close and no one had approached me. I was just standing there and praying, and I saw a tall, pretty Asian girl walk towards me.

We sat down to talk. In the dimmed lighting, I could see the tears that were in her eyes. She began to speak very openly. "I've never done something like this before, but for some reason I felt like God was telling me to talk to you in particular." She began to open up about being raped and struggling with depression, an eating disorder, and physical relationships with men. She shared how it was hard for her to believe God's love for her. I listened intently to her story, aware that this was a breakthrough moment for her. When she was finished, I opened up to her about my own history with sexual abuse and rape. I told her it wasn't an accident that she talked to me, out of everyone who was there that night. As sisters, we prayed and my heart just poured out in worship to God! I knew He could heal her, that He loves her so much, and I felt his arms embracing us as we spoke to our loving Savior. I knew that she was His princess, that He had shed His blood and died for her, and that He could give her new light and life!

When we were done, she went back, but I got her contact info later that weekend to keep in touch with her. God has been doing incredible things in her life! We have been emailing, and she found out that I was leading the Epic Japan Summer Project. She applied, and now she might join us for her first mission trip!

I was scrolling through her submitted application, and I realized something incredible! This precious woman had actually accepted Christ for the first time at Epic Conference!!! I had no idea! That night was the first time she had confessed and started really grasping God's lovingkindness and grace, even though she had grown up in church. Praise God that He is able to perform miracles! The miracle of a changed life is worth all the sowing that one can bear.

spring quarter epiphanies

Finding my place in ministry has been the hugest challenge this year. Dealing with the frustrations and daily battles of perceived expectations, poor communication,
and constant busyness has taken its toll. There is always a need, always more I could do or could have done. Needless to say, this year has been tough. Through it all, I've come to some very simple and truthful conclusions:

• God is God and I am not.
  
• Sometimes all I can do is pray, and pray hard.
  
• I can't do everything or be everyone to all people.
• I cannot care what others think, only what God thinks.
  
• God moves in completely unexpected ways.
• God does not need me.
  
• God's requirements for me are only to love Him, to serve Him fully, to walk in His ways, to fear Him, and to love mercy for others.
  
• I may never see the fruit of what I do, but God sees me and that's enough.
  

I forget so often the simple things that Jesus taught and showed us! Lord, help me and have mercy on me. May I keep these truths close to my heart as I finish this year strong.

One frustration of this year has been not having time to invest in the Epic Asian American ministry as much as I desired to. I've been given so many other responsibilities that my Epic ministry has been struggling. This quarter, I am hoping to make it a priority. Here's my tentative schedule for Epic this quarter.

Every Monday night prayer
Tuesday night Epic meeting & Bible study
Wednesday be on campus and meet Asian American students
Thursday night sometimes joining some of the Asian clubs on campus
Friday socials or outreaches, depending on the week

Yes! God raise up a generation of Asian American students who live completely for you and who love and live with radical abandon and surrender to your calling of humility and selflessness!

i love my job

Ok. So today, I love my job. :) I say today, because honestly that isn't true everyday.
There are times I get so frustrated or discouraged wanting my ministry to be further along than it is. I get upset at myself and wonder what I'm doing wrong or if I'm truly following the Holy Spirit. There are times I wish I worked 9 am to 5 pm instead of 11 am to 12 am. There are times I wish I wasn't juggling a million different roles trying to meet my staff team's, my student's, and my own expectations. But today. Today I can honestly say that I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now!

It started yesterday with our staff team taking some risks and traveling to other campuses to see if we could start new ministries. We went to Cal State University Northridge and Pepperdine. At CSUN, we arrived on an unusually sunny day and people were out and about. We walked and prayed around the campus, asking God for opportunities to start new ministries to the students there. Then we started approaching students and talking with them about their spiritual beliefs. The first girl I talked to happened to go to my old church, Cornerstone, and wants to be a missionary! She was totally interested in starting a Campus Crusade for Christ group at CSUN. We encouraged one another and shared prayer requests. I was able to then share my faith with another girl who was atheist, and she was very open to talking to me. I shared my testimony with another girl who said she was atheist, and she seemed really interested. Although they didn't put their faith in Christ, I was glad that God led me to them to share my faith. Who knows what God may do in their hearts in the future! I am reminded of the parable of the sower, and though I am able to sow many seeds, it is God who produces the growth in the soil that the truth lands on. Whenever I share my faith with people who are "non-religious" or "atheist," I am reminded of myself before I was a Christian and how against Christianity I was. I mocked it and was so proud to be a self-sufficient atheist without the "crutch" of religion. But God took hold of me and turned my life around! And in his incredible mercy (and sense of humor) He has made me an apostle to atheists! :)

One other girl I spoke with that day came from a Catholic background, and although she didn't go to church anymore, allowed me to share the gospel with her. She agreed that Jesus had died for her sins, but when I asked her if she knew who the Holy Spirit was, she said that she didn't really know much. So, I explained to her who the Holy Spirit was and how He is our counselor and helper, and on the spot she prayed to be filled completely with the Holy Spirit! "That felt really good!" she said afterwards. I pray that she continues to grow in her relationship with Jesus through dependence upon the Spirit.

I was exhausted after yesterday, but surprisingly I woke up with a fresh perspective and excitement today! I asked the Holy Spirit to lead me where He wanted me today, and I hit the UCLA campus ready for a full day. This morning I had breakfast with a sweet girl in our movement who needed encouragement and counsel. I love counseling younger women! It is one of my true joys in life. Later I met with another one of my girls, Kate, to go on campus and share our faith. Although she was a bit nervous, we went out and got into 2 awesome conversations with people who we were given the privilege of sharing the gospel with. One girl shared with us that she wasn't sure if there was a God because of all the evil in this world. When I asked her if I could explain how Christians view the problem of evil, she looked at her watch and said, "I gotta go soon, but explain it to me in 2 minutes." Wow! At that point the Holy Spirit totally took over, because somehow my lips started moving and I explained the doctrine of evil, the fall, the redemption found in Christ, and the promise of a new heaven and new earth in 2 minutes. How real are Jesus's words: "do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, for it i will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you." (Matt 10:19)

Two more meetings with my girls followed. Danielle and I talked on end about what it means to be a woman of God, a woman of prayer, and a woman of justice. Keo and I spent time resting in the Word. Later, I went to our CCC weekly meeting and met some great new students who are just now getting plugged into the ministry.

So after a couple long emotionally and spiritually full days, I find myself so energized and excited! I remember why I wanted to go into ministry in the first place. I love seeing lives changed. I love seeing my girls hungry for the word and the truth. I love being an ambassador for Christ and telling the world about Him and what He's done in my life! And at the end of the day, when all is said and done, I remember. Jesus is the best thing about me and the only One I would live for. I am His and He is mine. I'll follow Him until the end of time and to the ends of the earth, if it costs everything that I have within me, because His love is better than life.

staff break

So I'm sitting in a rented beach house in Oxnard, taking the few minutes between meetings to write this blog. It's finals week for students, so our UCLA staff of 9 has taken a break from Bible studies, late nights and the constant pull of college students to chill by the beach and pray and plan.

AAhhhh!!! It's so nice to be away! I've definitely been feeling exhausted after this quarter. Now, I get to enjoy long, barefoot walks on the beach with Jesus and soaking in the hot tub with the staff girls. :)

It's amazing how just getting away from the bustle of Westwood for a little while has helped me to hear God's voice in the past couple of days. Some things He's been talking to me about has been my future plans for next year and what sincere Christian leadership looks like. You can ask me more about this, or I'll blog about it later.

Some things we've been doing here:

• Evaluating where our movement is now and where it's going
• Playing beach volleyball
• Brainstorming ideas for the rest of the year
• Spending time with Jesus
  

James Franco ministry

So I found out something today that pretty much rocked my world on multiple levels. But let me start from the beginning....

Two months ago a girl named Kimberly started coming to our events. We started getting to know her and hearing her life story. She is originally from Texas where she grew up with a father who is physically abusive. Kimberly and her mother eventually fled from her father and lived in a shelter for battered women and their children. In time, Kimberly went to college and was accepted to UCLA as a transfer student. She came to UCLA this quarter and that's when I met her at one of our women's social events. She shared how she moved to LA and lives with her boyfriend as she goes to school. She said she came from a Catholic background growing up, but was really interested in learning more about God while at UCLA.

Fast forward a couple weeks, and Kimberly went to our Fall Retreat. At the end of the weekend, she stood up in front of all the students and shared how she understands what it means to have a relationship with Christ for the first time, and how she is overjoyed to discover her new life with God!!! Although she was raised with a general idea of God, she just recently took the step of faith to give her whole life over to the Lord, understanding how Christ died for her and desires to give her with abundant life through the Holy Spirit. Amen!! Praise God!

Here's Kimberly & me at Fall Retreat

But that's just the beginning of the story. Kimberly, now a new Christian, went to class the next week. Now it's a little known fact James Franco is a student at UCLA. If you don't know who James Franco is, this is him.


He plays the role of Harry in Spiderman. (Yea, UCLA is cool like that) Anyways, Kimberly happens to have a class with James and sits down next to him on this day. Apparently, not many other students help out James in this class and Kimberly, knowing that she is to now a Christian and is called to love all people with God's love, decided to befriend him and help him out. In their conversation, it comes up that Kimberly just recently became a Christian.

"So, what's your religious background?" She asked.

Just as he was about to respond, they were cut off by something going on in class. But James and Kimberly became friends and soon afterwards, she asked him about his spiritual background. So James shares about his spiritual beliefs, and Kimberly had the impression that he is in a place of searching his spiritual life. They're continuing to be friends and Kimberly is sharing her faith and praying that James would also become a Christian. Pray for James Franco to know Jesus as his savior!

So here we have our new baby Christian, Kimberly, excited about her relationship with God and sharing her faith with James Franco! Cool, huh? Haha. Reaching LA, one movie star at a time. God's awesome.

on campus today...

I go onto campus today, unsure of what to do. It's 5 pm, and all the students are going home and walking in the opposite direction. But here I am - bouncing down Bruin walk, asking God for direction. What's gotten into me?! I don't remember the last time (if there was a last time) I went to campus all by myself, without any agenda.

I start to pray, and God gives me some vision. "Lord, raise up leaders from the Asian community! Set the captives free and heal the brokenhearted! These are a holy nation, a chosen generation. Set them apart for Your sake to be holy and blameless, oaks of righteousness in this generation! Raise up Asian students who really get it, who understand what You, oh God, require; who live and breathe for you; who will go to every tribe, tongue and nation in Your name..."

As I pray, I start to notice how many Asian students there are on this campus. Somehow, my heart starts beating with love and compassion for them, as if I know them intimately somehow and just genuinely care about them. Huh. That's weird. I've never felt that way about strangers before.

Ok, here I go! I'm approaching the main walk of campus. Pretty much, no one is there. Except for this one girl and a guy who is talking to a girl. I slow my steps and start drifting towards the Asian girl sitting on the table. Well, here goes nothing....

"Hi! Um, so, I was just walking around campus and I was, uh, wondering if... there was anything that I could pray for you about."

The girl looks at me. At first, she seems a little concerned, as if I'm asking for help or something, but as soon as I mention prayer her countenance changes.

"Sure, yea! I could use some prayer."

Wow. Sweet. That was easy. She introduces herself. Ellen (not her real name, for privacy purposes) invites me to sit next to her on top of the table. I sit down and ask her how I can pray for her. She tells me that she's feeling sick. "Perfect!" I think, "I can pray for healing for her!"

"Aw, I'm sorry you're not feeling well. What's going on? How do you feel sick?"

Ellen's eyes drift into the distance for a few seconds. "Well," she starts, "Ok. So here's what's going on..."

She goes on to tell me that over the weekend she dropped E (that means taking the drug ecstasy, for you innocent ones out there) at a rave that she thinks was mixed with cocaine. It was her third time doing so, but this time it was really bad. She felt like she was really tripping out, and her friend who was also there took 2 pills and was slipping in and out of consciousness. Eventually, they knew that they had to get home, so Ellen drives home, even though she was still tripping out and was feeling really weird because of whatever the pill was laced with. Thank God they didn't get into an accident! (sorry to scare any of you cautious drivers) She couldn't sleep until 6 am and slept the whole next day and then stayed up late again to study.

Sometime during our conversation, Ellen's friend joins us. At this point, I look over and see tears rolling down Ellen's face. The whole time I am just listening and nodding, agreeing with Ellen's friend that the whole thing probably wasn't a good idea. Ellen turns excitedly to her friend and informs her, "Hey! She's going to pray for me!"

So I did. I'm not sure exactly what I prayed, but even now I pray that God would reveal to her His plan and His ways for her, that He would lift her from the place that she is in now and set her feet on the rock of Jesus, that He would exchange her ashes for a crown and her mourning for dancing in His salvation and ability to give her new life in exchange for her broken one. I also pray that she would be miraculously healed and feel better tonight, and know that it was God.

After praying, we hugged and I invited her to our next Epic event. She thanked me and said "God bless you" and left with tears still streaming down her face. I hope that she is uplifted, but I may never find out. Regardless, I know that my spirit is.

This all brings me back to this verse that I have been meditating on over and over this year. "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick." (Matt. 9:12) Just now reading this verse again, I notice what Jesus says right after, "But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

Right after I finished talking to Ellen I was immediately shot down by 2 other girls I tried to approach. I am realizing that these latter instances are what I have come to expect whenever I go out on campus. "Where are the sick? Those are the people I want to talk to!" I often gripe to God and to others. I am tired of talking to people who reject prayer, who act like they have everything all together. They don't see their need for Jesus, our savior, or at least they try to hide it. I know that they are just as in need of Jesus as we all are, but their eyes have been blinded by pride!

I am reminded of myself. I once rejected Jesus and all religion, most of all Christianity. I spat in God's face. I was so confident in my ability to live my own life, a good life, without any religious "crutch." It wasn't until God revealed to me my own shortcomings, giving me over to my sin and my brokenness that I realized that I was only fooling myself. Oh God, how merciful you are. How rich in mercy, to show us our disease so that we can come to You to be healed.