Britt's Blog

the last day

2008-07-23T11:48:00.000-07:00

Even in the last moments in Japan, God is at work. Two girls at Toyo University came to Christ!!!!!!!! :0 Our team member Lauren was able to pray with her two friends that she had made at Toyo. God had laid them on her heart, and she wasn't even planning on going to campus today, but she did anyway. And Jesus has been faithful. Please pray for these two girls, that they would understand the commitment and change that has happened in their lives and that they would experience spiritual growth and fellowship with believers.

This has been an amazing last day. Amidst tears in saying goodbye to our awesome Japanese friends, God gave us a glimpse of the work that He has done this summer. One student Satoshi from Toyo said to me, "In Japan, there were many people who have said that Christianity is a bad thing. But after meeting you guys, I know that this is not true. I think Christianity is such a good thing and I want to learn much more about it. So even after you leave I will study the Bible very hard."

He later went on to say, "Your team is God's gift to me! You came here to teach the Japanese about Christianity, and I think that this is such a great purpose! Japan needs this. Please come back!"

Even now, thinking about Satoshi's words brings me to tears. This freshman at Toyo is not even a Christian yet, but he has been so impacted by the way God has loved him through us. I felt today that God was encouraging us using Satoshi's words. It is our God who will bring in the fruit, who promises that His word will not return void until it has accomplished all that is purposed in God's plan. And it is the Lord who has been working and who will continue the work long after we have left Japan. It was totally by God's grace that we randomly sat down at Satoshi's table in Toyo's cafeteria that first day on campus. And through him, we were introduced to the entire English Conversation class, where we met most of our friends. Satoshi has been doing Bible study now, but pray that he would step out in faith and trust God with his heart! I know that in the same way he started a ripple effect with our team meeting so many open students, his life can affect so many others if he trusts in the Lord!!

It has been so hard to part from our friends. Please pray for us as we say goodbye and get ready to debrief our experiences in Japan. There is so much to process, and I'm feeling overwhelmed with mixed emotions.

Sorry I haven't been keeping the blog up-to-date, but I will for sure share more stories about our summer after I get more sleep!

short update from Nagoya Team

2008-07-11T19:39:00.000-07:00

Only a 1 1/2 hour bullet train ride south, the Nagoya Epic Team has been laboring in Japan as well! They have seen 3 people come to Christ in the past couple weeks! It's amazing to hear how our other half of the team is faring, but it's been difficult to be in contact with them since they have limited internet access. I don't know the stories, but hopefully we will hear about them more soon.

Also, a little update on our dear friend Kei. A couple nights ago, we prayed with her and she invited Jesus to be in her heart. She said she was really wanting for someone to be there for her in the midst of trouble, and afterwards she said she felt so good. However, as is typical with Japanese people, she is hesitant to commit to "Christianity" because of the many negative stigmas that surround religion in Japan. She doesn't want other people to think she is weird. This is very normal for Japanese thought, and as the concepts of Christianity are so foreign to many I am not surprised. I am unsure of how much she really grasps the whole gospel, since everything is so new to her, but please be praying for us as we simply love her and share our lives with her. I pray that as we continue to befriend this sweet woman, that she would not see that Christianity is about religiosity, but it's about a posture before a holy God who has sent his son to be our friend and to die for our sake to break us out of bondage. She is still so open to us, and she really wants to read the Bible and to learn more. And guess what...? She's a hip-hop dancer like me, so I hope that in the next week or so we can bond over our shared love for that.

"So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us." --1 Thess. 2:8

another girl comes to know Christ!

2008-07-10T07:41:00.000-07:00

This time, a girl from Tsuda University!! Her name is Kei. I am so joyful, and so is she!! But as this is just the beginning of her walk with Jesus, please be praying for her in this vital time in life. She has already received the word of God with gladness. Pray that she will become a disciple of Christ and bear fruit for the Kingdom. Pray for her to get plugged in with a church and with Student Impact (Japanese CCC) and to be discipled. Oh my gosh, I am so stoked!!!

I actually mentioned Kei before. She came to our last week's "Discover Friends" outreach and had dinner with some of our team. I invited her to come to tonight's Student Impact weekly meeting, and three girls from our Epic Tokyo team (Lauren, Erin, and Grace) shared the gospel with her using the Knowing God Personally booklet. I entered the conversation right as she was saying that she would like to be a Christian and have Jesus in her heart. We all prayed together, and she prayed for the first time for God to take her past, forgive her for any wrong, and to fill her life. It was a sweet and tender moment as we listened to her pray in Japanese.

From left to right: Grace, Lauren, Kei!!!, Erin, Anita (JCCC staff), me

This is a doubly-momentous occasion, since this is the first time that Lauren, Erin, and Grace have ever led someone to Christ before. These girls are so excited and have expressed that "they have never felt anything like this." We were all celebrating Kei's newfound faith. It is wonderful to be used by God and to witness miracles. Before this trip, some of them may have never shared their faith in a cross-cultural way until now. Pray for our team as more catch a glimpse of what it is like to be part of the Great Commission. I truly believe that these men and women on our team will be the future church leaders and missionaries of our day. Pray with me in faith that it would be so!

Also in light of all that has been going on, I sense a lot of spiritual battle. Pray for team unity and against distraction and tiredness. As the initial novelty of being in Japan wears off and stress and culture shock set in, I have been wary of conflicts and dissensions that may arise.

Blessings, and thank you for all your prayers that are advancing the Kingdom of God here in Japan! I can't believe we saw 2 people come to know Christ within a week!!! We are still trusting that students from Rikkyo, Toyo, and Todai come to experience the same joy of the Lord as our new sister Kei.

Tonight at the Student Impact Mtg, from left to right: Momoe, me, and Chihiro (the girl who accepted Christ last week)

sharing Christ with entire Japanese class!

2008-07-09T00:25:00.000-07:00

Things have been beyond amazing the past few days. I am blessed every day by God's faithfulness to provide. In all His sovereignty He shows us His ways are higher than ours, that He cares for the Japanese so much, that He has sent us here with purpose, and that truly our God is Lord of all the nations.

Over the past week at Toyo University, our team has gradually built relationships with some students from an English Conversation class. It began with a male student we met in the cafeteria named Satoshi who has showed a lot of interest in Christianity. The guys on our team have been sharing the gospel with him a lot. Pray for his heart to change! Through this one person, we started meeting a lot of his friends who are in the same English Conversation class.

Satoshi was so excited to meet us, he contacted his professor who happens to be a Japanese American who went to the University of Hawaii. And we soon found out he is also a Christian! He is familiar with Campus Crusade for Christ, so he invited us on Tuesday to lead discussions with his class. So we showed up, and we were pleased to find that we have already met about half the class, just through random conversations we've had with students in the cafeteria! He introduced us and then split us up among the students and had them pelt us with questions. By the end of the class, we had made a lot of new friends. Before he dismissed the class, he brought us up front and said, "You know, I just met these people up here, but I feel very strong connection with them. Not just because we are all Americans, but because we are all Christians. And these people came all the way to Japan to tell you that God loves you and that Jesus died for your sins."

Whoa! Amazing. Some of our team members almost cried. What an awesome professor. He has been sowing a lot of seeds to these people, because today we went back to Toyo and met a student named Yuki from that same class. We invited her and her friend to eat with us and somehow we got on the subject of Christmas. I asked them if she they the meaning behind Christmas, and they said no. "Tell me the story of Christmas!" said Yuki.

So my teammate Lyndsey and I shared with them about Jesus' birth, and they were so engaged and wanted to learn more. We showed them our Bibles and what it means for us to have a relationship with God through His word. They seemed very touched. They loved looking at our Bibles, and even started reading Lyndsey's highlighted verses in Samuel. Then we gave them the Knowing God Personally booklets (4 spiritual laws) and they had to go to class. Pray for Yuki and Miyuki! They are so open to the gospel, and we are planning on meeting with them again next week.

This is only a small picture of what is happening on campus. God has been opening so many doors for the gospel. Continue praying for Chihiro, the girl who accepted Christ on Friday.

On the leadership side of things, the rest of the staff and I have been really challenging our students to take bold steps of faith in evangelism. In faith, we have set a goal and are praying that one person from each campus we are on (Todai, Toyo, Rikkyo, and Tsuda) will commit their lives to Christ this week. Please battle with us in prayer! We know God can do it, if only we would have faith the size of a mustard seed.

Jessica, Me and Toyo students in the cafeteria

first japanese girl receives Christ!!!!

2008-07-04T07:56:00.000-07:00

I personally witnessed (for the first time) a Japanese girl receive Christ into her heart!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOSH I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :) I can't say I was the one who actually led her to Jesus, but I got to pray with her and for her as I saw God totally change her heart!

It happened tonight (Friday night). We had our first large outreach in Japan. There were about 80 people there. It was the Japanese Campus Crusade for Christ's monthly outreach, and the theme was "freedom" since its the 4th of July. At the beginning, I met 3 Japanese girls and sat down with them. One of the 3 girls I met was Chihiro. A JCCC staff woman named Fumi, Chihiro, and I began to talk about Christianity. We were surprised to find out that Chihiro had been going to church this past year with her boyfriend, but she herself was not a Christian. At first she thought that church would just be a very rigid and strict place, but she was surprised to find that she enjoyed learning about the Bible and that it wasn't all stuffy like she thought. She was learning about God's love and was starting to understand it, but she said, "I still haven't experienced God's love." We talked for a while about the Holy Spirit and shared a bit of our testimonies. Mostly Fumi was doing the talking because Chihiro couldn't speak much English. Suddenly, Chihiro told us that she would like to receive Christ right now! We showed her the Knowing God Personally booklet--a tract we use in CCC to explain the gospel in 4 points--and by the end she said that the prayer that was written in the end of the book expressed the desire of her heart! We prayed together and we all started crying. Afterwards, she looked up and said, "Now I feel God's love." We have a new sister in Christ! Please pray for Chihiro (me & her on the left).

It was the most incredible thing to witness. I mostly just sat there while Fumi and Chihiro spoke in Japanese, and I couldn't understand a word they were saying. However, the whole time I was praying for them, and somehow I knew that their conversation was so good and Chihiro's heart was turning to the Lord as they spoke. Even before I knew that she wanted to be a Christian, I could sense the Holy Spirit was there and tears were already coming to my eyes as this woman's heart was changed. Praise the Lord! Heaven is having a party right now for her! I am so privileged to have prayed with her.

Backtracking to what's been going on this entire week... We have been going to campus every day. As it turns out, we are going back to being on 4 different campuses. Again flexibility is key. :) So today 3 other girls and I went for the first time to Tsuda University, a women's college. We met some great girls and it was a lot of fun! Please pray for a student we met, Kei. She came to the outreach tonight, too, and afterwards she said she would really like to talk to me about something. She is so sweet and I think she will be open to the gospel! Pray for boldness and opportunities to share it with her. Pray for Tsuda University, as it is already so open to the gospel! (Right: missionaries from America, Japan, and Taiwan at Tsuda University)

So much has happened. One cool thing is I have been able to hang out with 4 different Japanese students who I met at UCLA! During the Japanese Homestay in February (some of you may remember me writing about it) I helped host a bunch of Japanese students through CCC. It so happens that 4 of them attend Toyo University, and I will see them on a regular basis! On Thursday, I got to sit in on a Bible study with one of the girls, Tomomi, who is not a Christian but is very interested in learning about the Bible. Please pray for her and that she would keep doing Bible study with us!

The rest of this summer, we will continue doing ministry on Todai, Tsuda, Toyo, and Rikkyo. Our Epic Tokyo Team has been so great stepping it up in evangelism and leadership. But already I can sense that being in a foreign country and doing a TON of ministry is putting a lot of stress on our students. Pray that we would get rest this weekend, that we would build deep relationships with one another, and that we would be unified in mind and spirit. We need all of what our students working together in order for this summer to be all that it can be. Lord, help us to strengthen each other in our weaknesses and to act as Your body to reach the lost in Japan.

first day on campus

2008-06-30T06:55:00.000-07:00

Today was a lesson in flexibility. We were told that we were no longer going to 4 different campuses, but only 2 and that we were actually going there today! Good thing we already had our team split into 2. So without having any clue where I was going, I led half of our team to Toyo University to meet up with a student I had never met before who was going to take us around. Haha. I think the lesson I'm learning is that leadership is not so much knowing what you're doing, but more doing what you're doing with confidence. And it all worked out!

It was great going to Toyo and seeing this amazing campus! It's beautiful and so many students are there. We met students for the first time during lunch and struck up some good conversations. Out of maybe 30,000 Japanese students, there are only about 4 Christians that we know of. The two Japanese Campus Crusade for Christ students we met with - Yuki and Daisuke - were soo encouraged that our team was there to help them with their ministry! But I don't think they realized how much we were encouraged to see these far outnumbered Japanese Christians fully following Christ, despite much opposition and such few numbers. Their hearts for their peers shines through their countenance, and the sincerity of their faith is truly awe-inspiring. I know today I beheld Jesus in them. They are not discouraged nor are they going to give up on Toyo. How awesome that we get to work with them this summer! Here's some pics of the campus (a view from the roof on the right, inside the school on the left).

Here are our team members who are at Toyo! Please pray for Toyo University and Todai, our places of ministry this summer!!!

(Right to left: Lyndsey, Erin, me, Jessica, Grace, Wilson, Wayne, Daisuke, Yuki, Jon)

we arrived in Tokyo!

2008-06-28T16:01:00.000-07:00

So we made it!!! Wow, it's been a whirlwind. Leaving at Orange County at 5 am on the 27th, we arrived in Tokyo at 3 pm the next day. But everything has been going well without any glitches (besides 2 pieces of lost luggage), we're all here in one piece.

So I didn't get to write much about our briefing before in my last post, so I'll tell you a little more about our team and a couple cool things that happened. We actually have 2 Epic Japan teams here. We had so many people apply and get accepted to our project that we have a total of 40 people!!! Since it was so big, we had to split into two teams, one in Tokyo and one in Nagoya. I am leading the Tokyo trip.

During one of our prayer and sharing times, Lyndsey on the Tokyo team shared with us a vision that she had right before briefing while she was praying for Japan. In her vision, she saw a picture of a darkened Japan, with only a few little faint lights on different places of the country. However, as she looked on the lights grew brighter and brighter, and new lights popped up all over the darkness. "God is really going to do something amazing this summer through our work," she encouraged us. Right after she shared, Sara (a girl on the Nagoya team) told Lyndsey that she had the exact same vision, but in a dream a few nights before!! God is already on the move, encouraging us with what is ahead. I am so excited. These are pictures of our team during briefing. (Epic Japan teams worshiping together on the left)

Now that we are here, we are settling into our apartments and getting adjusted to the time change. Today we'll go to church and start exploring our city.

Some facts about the "darker side" of Japan:

--Japan has the highest suicide rate of any country, accounting for 1/4 to 1/3 of the world's suicides every year.
--That's 1 person taking their life every 15 min.
--It is common for young people (from 15 to their early 20's) to meet on internet "suicide chat rooms" and later take their lives together.
--STD's and HIV run rampant, as there is little education about sexual health and a denial of the problem in the culture. (Many believe only foreigners can contract HIV)
--The social pressures of school and work are immense, pushing many into depression and loneliness in this wealthy country.

Please pray for Japan.

i'm here at briefing!

2008-06-24T09:10:00.000-07:00

Monday 6/23, all the staff arrived here at Vanguard University to be prepped to lead our team. There are so many details to think of! We're not just learning about handling our team, conflict management, and discipleship but also how to manage the thousands of dollars we have to pay for flights, housing, food, outreaches, etc. There are so many factors that play into us getting to Japan. But with all the planning, my excitement grew as I looked forward to our students arriving. Here's a picture of our staff team planning together all the details of our trip. From left to right: Josh, Wayne, Steph, and me.

The next day, our students arrived in a flurry of baggage, excitement, remaining support checks, and questions. Finally we got to meet our team face to face! The people we have been praying for, talking to on the phone, reading applications for, and yet never really known in person. It's so exciting to put a name to the face! Here is our spectacular team!!!

Here is our team minus one. Roughly from left to right: Carolyn, Grace Shin, Stephanie, Justin, Anthony, Jon, Wilson, Josh, Lauren, Jessica, me, Erin, Kris, Wayne, Grace Sangalang, Melissa, Steph, and Lyndsey. Kester is missing. He's an international student from Indonesia who will meet us in Japan, so our team is not complete yet.

I can't believe we leave Friday morning! At 5 am, bright and early, we'll be hopping on a bus from here to LAX to get on our flight to Tokyo. I'd update you more, but I'm super exhausted already from this briefing time. But here's some prayer requests:

--Rest for me and the team, so I go into Japan refreshed
--For our team to be authentic and real with each other, to build a deep Christ community
--For safe travels
--For us to love the Japanese with the love of Jesus, and be prayer warriors for this country

Thanks for your prayers and support. I'll be keeping you updated!

on a personal note...

2008-06-23T01:37:00.000-07:00

So I'm about to get vulnerable with you, but let me first explain why. I do not want to "glorify" my struggles or sin issues, and I don't want to just write to vent in an emo way. I write that I may have your prayers, to bring darkness to light, and for accountability purposes. Even in my young Christian life (6 years!) I have witnessed many Christian leaders and peers fall away and somehow I always get scared for myself. I can begin to understand why, as I have experienced this past year the loneliness that can coexist with ministry leadership. It is a battle to live a Christian life. So I don't want to pretend that I have it all together, or that I am competent in myself to do ministry. On the contrary, I feel very weak and needy of God's strength and the support of my brothers and sisters in Christ. And yet, I praise God who uses such "foolish things to shame the wise," and "when I am weak, then I am strong." So please pray for me! I need help.

The past couple days have been shockingly difficult. I've been feeling down, and I know that this also has to do with spiritual attack that I am under since I leave for Summer Project Briefing this morning. I have had struggles with depression and low self image in the past, and I feel some old lies coming back to drag me down again. This has also affected my relationship with Josh, my co-leader for the Epic Tokyo Team and (interestingly enough) boyfriend. Having done some ministry leading together this year, we have begun to notice the trend that often when we have big leadership responsibilities arising, our relationship is the first thing that gets tough. So often we have fought the night before a big outreach or program! And our relationship does affect our ability to do ministry. Please pray for us.

That's how I was feeling the past couple days, but tonight we had a conference call with our staff leaders (me, Josh, Steph, and Wayne) and we spent some time praying for one another. I feel so nice and refreshed!! God is faithful, even when I feel I am in darkness. He always leads me in His ways of righteousness! But I can still use your prayers for this summer. Please pray that:

--The hearts of the Japanese people would be open
--The enemy would not gain a stronghold in Josh's and my relationship
--That I would not be weighed down by fear or anxiety, but that I would cast them all at Jesus' feet
--That Jesus' love would be made more real to me than ever before

I do have such a hard time realizing God's grace for me, when I am such a perfectionist! Ahh...

preparing for tokyo!

2008-06-20T12:38:00.000-07:00

My staff team and I are making the final preparations for our Epic Tokyo Summer Project. It's been a bit crazy seeing things becoming a reality. But I don't think it'll all be real until we are actually there!

Last night, a few of our team members and staff who are from southern Cali got together in Orange County at Yogurtland to meet each other. Here is a pic from that excursion:

From left to right around the table, this is Kris, Albert, Josh (staff), Wilson, Jon, Vivian (staff), Grace, Lyndsey, Brendan (my brother, not going with us to Japan), and me (staff).

We had a great time getting to know one another, talking about our fears and expectations, and telling some fun stories over our pay-by-weight cups of yogurt and toppings.

I should be posting more blogs as we get ready for Japan, and while we are there I will keep you updated regularly since I know there will be lots to tell!

our stellar Tokyo team!

2008-06-07T19:13:00.000-07:00

So on my last blog (the one right below), I told you guys about Jessica. She said it was okay that I am writing about her, and that she's excited that her testimony can encourage others!

So just a recap... Jessica is the one who came to Christ at Epic Conference in February. I had the divine opportunity to pray with her as she confessed hard stuff from her life with me for the first time during a night of worship and confession. Talking to her after the conference, I found out that she was leaving behind a life in the party scene at Oregon State and trying to grow in her relationship with God, without much Christian community around her.

Now this new believer is coming with us to Japan to share the gospel with Japanese students, only a few months after receiving Christ herself! But God is already moving in her life to cause her to be a bold and faithful witness.

Last week Jessica told me that at OSU, Epic put on a conference for students. At this conference, she invited some of her non-Christian friends who were also in the party scene to go. During one time of worship, Jessica was praying for a girl friend of hers when her friend started breaking down into tears. She let go of her past life and accepted Christ on the spot!!

Wow. I am praising God for His work in and through Jessica's new faith to bring her friends to Christ! I know God is already preparing our Epic Tokyo Team for an amazing summer of BREAKTHROUGH in Japan.

Please be praying for Jessica, too. I know that God is doing incredible things in her life, but at the same time the enemy is angry that she is now a daughter of the Most High God. Pray that she finds all of her worth in Jesus, not in guys, body image, or anything else. Pray that she would be healed of past wounds and that God would fill her with His spirit and lead her. Also pray for her financial support as she is raising the $5000 it costs to go to Japan. Let me know if you want to support Jessica financially. You can make a check out to Campus Crusade for Christ and email me so I can tell you where to send it. Thanks for reading!

when God reveals the fruit...

2008-04-19T18:22:00.000-07:00

I think God has often given me the role of the sower. Sowers get to share their faith and prepare the way, to pray, to sow many seeds on the field of life. The seed falls on all sorts of people, taking root in some places or being snatched away in others. Being a sower is not always a fun job. Sowers end up casting out a lot of seed, and don't always get to see the harvest. They don't get to taste the fruit of their labor, except on rare occasions. To continue sowing without seeing the result requires perseverance, patience, and faith.... things that I am always needing more of!

But every now and then, God reveals something astounding! And it reveals His heart and His glory all the more.

So my story starts with Epic Conference last month... and amazing time in which Asian Americans from all over the west coast gathered to worship God and be sent out as His worshipers in the world. There are so many stories to tell! But one night in particular, the speaker gave an altar call to anyone who wanted to step forward and confess sins that they had never confessed before. It was a powerful and moving time. The Holy Spirit was thick as we worshiped. Many were crying and coming forward with sincerity. People were all around the room praying for one another. As one of the staff, I was in the front waiting for any students who desired to come forward to ask for prayer. One by one, students walked up to the other staff around me and started to talk and pray. Soon, worship was coming to a close and no one had approached me. I was just standing there and praying, and I saw a tall, pretty Asian girl walk towards me.

We sat down to talk. In the dimmed lighting, I could see the tears that were in her eyes. She began to speak very openly. "I've never done something like this before, but for some reason I felt like God was telling me to talk to you in particular." She began to open up about being raped and struggling with depression, an eating disorder, and physical relationships with men. She shared how it was hard for her to believe God's love for her. I listened intently to her story, aware that this was a breakthrough moment for her. When she was finished, I opened up to her about my own history with sexual abuse and rape. I told her it wasn't an accident that she talked to me, out of everyone who was there that night. As sisters, we prayed and my heart just poured out in worship to God! I knew He could heal her, that He loves her so much, and I felt his arms embracing us as we spoke to our loving Savior. I knew that she was His princess, that He had shed His blood and died for her, and that He could give her new light and life!

When we were done, she went back, but I got her contact info later that weekend to keep in touch with her. God has been doing incredible things in her life! We have been emailing, and she found out that I was leading the Epic Japan Summer Project. She applied, and now she might join us for her first mission trip!

I was scrolling through her submitted application, and I realized something incredible! This precious woman had actually accepted Christ for the first time at Epic Conference!!! I had no idea! That night was the first time she had confessed and started really grasping God's lovingkindness and grace, even though she had grown up in church. Praise God that He is able to perform miracles! The miracle of a changed life is worth all the sowing that one can bear.

spring quarter epiphanies

2008-04-02T10:50:00.000-07:00

Finding my place in ministry has been the hugest challenge this year. Dealing with the frustrations and daily battles of perceived expectations, poor communication,
and constant busyness has taken its toll. There is always a need, always more I could do or could have done. Needless to say, this year has been tough. Through it all, I've come to some very simple and truthful conclusions:

God is God and I am not.
Sometimes all I can do is pray, and pray hard.
I can't do everything or be everyone to all people.
I cannot care what others think, only what God thinks.
God moves in completely unexpected ways.
God does not need me.
God's requirements for me are only to love Him, to serve Him fully, to walk in His ways, to fear Him, and to love mercy for others.
I may never see the fruit of what I do, but God sees me and that's enough.

I forget so often the simple things that Jesus taught and showed us! Lord, help me and have mercy on me. May I keep these truths close to my heart as I finish this year strong.

One frustration of this year has been not having time to invest in the Epic Asian American ministry as much as I desired to. I've been given so many other responsibilities that my Epic ministry has been struggling. This quarter, I am hoping to make it a priority. Here's my tentative schedule for Epic this quarter.

Every Monday night prayer
Tuesday night Epic meeting & Bible study
Wednesday be on campus and meet Asian American students
Thursday night sometimes joining some of the Asian clubs on campus
Friday socials or outreaches, depending on the week

Yes! God raise up a generation of Asian American students who live completely for you and who love and live with radical abandon and surrender to your calling of humility and selflessness!

i love my job

2008-02-13T14:07:00.000-08:00

Ok. So today, I love my job. :) I say today, because honestly that isn't true everyday.
There are times I get so frustrated or discouraged wanting my ministry to be further along than it is. I get upset at myself and wonder what I'm doing wrong or if I'm truly following the Holy Spirit. There are times I wish I worked 9 am to 5 pm instead of 11 am to 12 am. There are times I wish I wasn't juggling a million different roles trying to meet my staff team's, my student's, and my own expectations. But today. Today I can honestly say that I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now!

It started yesterday with our staff team taking some risks and traveling to other campuses to see if we could start new ministries. We went to Cal State University Northridge and Pepperdine. At CSUN, we arrived on an unusually sunny day and people were out and about. We walked and prayed around the campus, asking God for opportunities to start new ministries to the students there. Then we started approaching students and talking with them about their spiritual beliefs. The first girl I talked to happened to go to my old church, Cornerstone, and wants to be a missionary! She was totally interested in starting a Campus Crusade for Christ group at CSUN. We encouraged one another and shared prayer requests. I was able to then share my faith with another girl who was atheist, and she was very open to talking to me. I shared my testimony with another girl who said she was atheist, and she seemed really interested. Although they didn't put their faith in Christ, I was glad that God led me to them to share my faith. Who knows what God may do in their hearts in the future! I am reminded of the parable of the sower, and though I am able to sow many seeds, it is God who produces the growth in the soil that the truth lands on. Whenever I share my faith with people who are "non-religious" or "atheist," I am reminded of myself before I was a Christian and how against Christianity I was. I mocked it and was so proud to be a self-sufficient atheist without the "crutch" of religion. But God took hold of me and turned my life around! And in his incredible mercy (and sense of humor) He has made me an apostle to atheists! :)

One other girl I spoke with that day came from a Catholic background, and although she didn't go to church anymore, allowed me to share the gospel with her. She agreed that Jesus had died for her sins, but when I asked her if she knew who the Holy Spirit was, she said that she didn't really know much. So, I explained to her who the Holy Spirit was and how He is our counselor and helper, and on the spot she prayed to be filled completely with the Holy Spirit! "That felt really good!" she said afterwards. I pray that she continues to grow in her relationship with Jesus through dependence upon the Spirit.

I was exhausted after yesterday, but surprisingly I woke up with a fresh perspective and excitement today! I asked the Holy Spirit to lead me where He wanted me today, and I hit the UCLA campus ready for a full day. This morning I had breakfast with a sweet girl in our movement who needed encouragement and counsel. I love counseling younger women! It is one of my true joys in life. Later I met with another one of my girls, Kate, to go on campus and share our faith. Although she was a bit nervous, we went out and got into 2 awesome conversations with people who we were given the privilege of sharing the gospel with. One girl shared with us that she wasn't sure if there was a God because of all the evil in this world. When I asked her if I could explain how Christians view the problem of evil, she looked at her watch and said, "I gotta go soon, but explain it to me in 2 minutes." Wow! At that point the Holy Spirit totally took over, because somehow my lips started moving and I explained the doctrine of evil, the fall, the redemption found in Christ, and the promise of a new heaven and new earth in 2 minutes. How real are Jesus's words: "do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, for it i will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you." (Matt 10:19)

Two more meetings with my girls followed. Danielle and I talked on end about what it means to be a woman of God, a woman of prayer, and a woman of justice. Keo and I spent time resting in the Word. Later, I went to our CCC weekly meeting and met some great new students who are just now getting plugged into the ministry.

So after a couple long emotionally and spiritually full days, I find myself so energized and excited! I remember why I wanted to go into ministry in the first place. I love seeing lives changed. I love seeing my girls hungry for the word and the truth. I love being an ambassador for Christ and telling the world about Him and what He's done in my life! And at the end of the day, when all is said and done, I remember. Jesus is the best thing about me and the only One I would live for. I am His and He is mine. I'll follow Him until the end of time and to the ends of the earth, if it costs everything that I have within me, because His love is better than life.

staff break

2007-12-11T11:22:00.000-08:00

So I'm sitting in a rented beach house in Oxnard, taking the few minutes between meetings to write this blog. It's finals week for students, so our UCLA staff of 9 has taken a break from Bible studies, late nights and the constant pull of college students to chill by the beach and pray and plan.

AAhhhh!!! It's so nice to be away! I've definitely been feeling exhausted after this quarter. Now, I get to enjoy long, barefoot walks on the beach with Jesus and soaking in the hot tub with the staff girls. :)

It's amazing how just getting away from the bustle of Westwood for a little while has helped me to hear God's voice in the past couple of days. Some things He's been talking to me about has been my future plans for next year and what sincere Christian leadership looks like. You can ask me more about this, or I'll blog about it later.

Some things we've been doing here:

Evaluating where our movement is now and where it's going
Playing beach volleyball
Brainstorming ideas for the rest of the year
Spending time with Jesus

James Franco ministry

2007-12-05T22:21:00.000-08:00

So I found out something today that pretty much rocked my world on multiple levels. But let me start from the beginning....

Two months ago a girl named Kimberly started coming to our events. We started getting to know her and hearing her life story. She is originally from Texas where she grew up with a father who is physically abusive. Kimberly and her mother eventually fled from her father and lived in a shelter for battered women and their children. In time, Kimberly went to college and was accepted to UCLA as a transfer student. She came to UCLA this quarter and that's when I met her at one of our women's social events. She shared how she moved to LA and lives with her boyfriend as she goes to school. She said she came from a Catholic background growing up, but was really interested in learning more about God while at UCLA.

Fast forward a couple weeks, and Kimberly went to our Fall Retreat. At the end of the weekend, she stood up in front of all the students and shared how she understands what it means to have a relationship with Christ for the first time, and how she is overjoyed to discover her new life with God!!! Although she was raised with a general idea of God, she just recently took the step of faith to give her whole life over to the Lord, understanding how Christ died for her and desires to give her with abundant life through the Holy Spirit. Amen!! Praise God!

Here's Kimberly & me at Fall Retreat

But that's just the beginning of the story. Kimberly, now a new Christian, went to class the next week. Now it's a little known fact James Franco is a student at UCLA. If you don't know who James Franco is, this is him.

He plays the role of Harry in Spiderman. (Yea, UCLA is cool like that) Anyways, Kimberly happens to have a class with James and sits down next to him on this day. Apparently, not many other students help out James in this class and Kimberly, knowing that she is to now a Christian and is called to love all people with God's love, decided to befriend him and help him out. In their conversation, it comes up that Kimberly just recently became a Christian.

"So, what's your religious background?" She asked.

Just as he was about to respond, they were cut off by something going on in class. But James and Kimberly became friends and soon afterwards, she asked him about his spiritual background. So James shares about his spiritual beliefs, and Kimberly had the impression that he is in a place of searching his spiritual life. They're continuing to be friends and Kimberly is sharing her faith and praying that James would also become a Christian. Pray for James Franco to know Jesus as his savior!

So here we have our new baby Christian, Kimberly, excited about her relationship with God and sharing her faith with James Franco! Cool, huh? Haha. Reaching LA, one movie star at a time. God's awesome.

on campus today...

2007-12-04T23:04:00.000-08:00

I go onto campus today, unsure of what to do. It's 5 pm, and all the students are going home and walking in the opposite direction. But here I am - bouncing down Bruin walk, asking God for direction. What's gotten into me?! I don't remember the last time (if there was a last time) I went to campus all by myself, without any agenda.

I start to pray, and God gives me some vision. "Lord, raise up leaders from the Asian community! Set the captives free and heal the brokenhearted! These are a holy nation, a chosen generation. Set them apart for Your sake to be holy and blameless, oaks of righteousness in this generation! Raise up Asian students who really get it, who understand what You, oh God, require; who live and breathe for you; who will go to every tribe, tongue and nation in Your name..."

As I pray, I start to notice how many Asian students there are on this campus. Somehow, my heart starts beating with love and compassion for them, as if I know them intimately somehow and just genuinely care about them. Huh. That's weird. I've never felt that way about strangers before.

Ok, here I go! I'm approaching the main walk of campus. Pretty much, no one is there. Except for this one girl and a guy who is talking to a girl. I slow my steps and start drifting towards the Asian girl sitting on the table. Well, here goes nothing....

"Hi! Um, so, I was just walking around campus and I was, uh, wondering if... there was anything that I could pray for you about."

The girl looks at me. At first, she seems a little concerned, as if I'm asking for help or something, but as soon as I mention prayer her countenance changes.

"Sure, yea! I could use some prayer."

Wow. Sweet. That was easy. She introduces herself. Ellen (not her real name, for privacy purposes) invites me to sit next to her on top of the table. I sit down and ask her how I can pray for her. She tells me that she's feeling sick. "Perfect!" I think, "I can pray for healing for her!"

"Aw, I'm sorry you're not feeling well. What's going on? How do you feel sick?"

Ellen's eyes drift into the distance for a few seconds. "Well," she starts, "Ok. So here's what's going on..."

She goes on to tell me that over the weekend she dropped E (that means taking the drug ecstasy, for you innocent ones out there) at a rave that she thinks was mixed with cocaine. It was her third time doing so, but this time it was really bad. She felt like she was really tripping out, and her friend who was also there took 2 pills and was slipping in and out of consciousness. Eventually, they knew that they had to get home, so Ellen drives home, even though she was still tripping out and was feeling really weird because of whatever the pill was laced with. Thank God they didn't get into an accident! (sorry to scare any of you cautious drivers) She couldn't sleep until 6 am and slept the whole next day and then stayed up late again to study.

Sometime during our conversation, Ellen's friend joins us. At this point, I look over and see tears rolling down Ellen's face. The whole time I am just listening and nodding, agreeing with Ellen's friend that the whole thing probably wasn't a good idea. Ellen turns excitedly to her friend and informs her, "Hey! She's going to pray for me!"

So I did. I'm not sure exactly what I prayed, but even now I pray that God would reveal to her His plan and His ways for her, that He would lift her from the place that she is in now and set her feet on the rock of Jesus, that He would exchange her ashes for a crown and her mourning for dancing in His salvation and ability to give her new life in exchange for her broken one. I also pray that she would be miraculously healed and feel better tonight, and know that it was God.

After praying, we hugged and I invited her to our next Epic event. She thanked me and said "God bless you" and left with tears still streaming down her face. I hope that she is uplifted, but I may never find out. Regardless, I know that my spirit is.

This all brings me back to this verse that I have been meditating on over and over this year. "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick." (Matt. 9:12) Just now reading this verse again, I notice what Jesus says right after, "But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

Right after I finished talking to Ellen I was immediately shot down by 2 other girls I tried to approach. I am realizing that these latter instances are what I have come to expect whenever I go out on campus. "Where are the sick? Those are the people I want to talk to!" I often gripe to God and to others. I am tired of talking to people who reject prayer, who act like they have everything all together. They don't see their need for Jesus, our savior, or at least they try to hide it. I know that they are just as in need of Jesus as we all are, but their eyes have been blinded by pride!

I am reminded of myself. I once rejected Jesus and all religion, most of all Christianity. I spat in God's face. I was so confident in my ability to live my own life, a good life, without any religious "crutch." It wasn't until God revealed to me my own shortcomings, giving me over to my sin and my brokenness that I realized that I was only fooling myself. Oh God, how merciful you are. How rich in mercy, to show us our disease so that we can come to You to be healed.

Post-thanksgiving Reflections

2007-11-24T20:03:00.000-08:00

The past couple months have been such a blur! I can't believe that the quarter is almost done. After my first 10 weeks of full-time ministry, there's a lot I have to reflect on.

Some highlights of the past couple months:
-I started leading a sophomore girl Bible study in the dorms
-Epic (Asian American ministry) is up and running
-We had our annual UCLA Fall Retreat
-A girl received Christ at Fall Retreat!!!! :)
-I went to an intern briefing in Lake Arrowhead for all the new CCC interns in our region
-We had the Crossroads Conference for juniors and seniors in our region to help them make Biblical decisions about their futures

I'm still feeling like I am getting used to everything. I am not sure if I know what I'm doing!
All I know is that in my heart I long to see people grasp who Jesus is fully and completely, to see His love and His glory revealed through the cross. I desire to see Him exalted among UCLA students. There's nothing better than seeing the students that I meet with grow in their relationships with Christ! I love discipleship, especially when students are so eager and hungry to learn! It makes teaching so much easier.

However, I have the aching sense that I may not be doing all that I can do. I want to be ministering not just to Christians, but to those who don't know Christ, or perhaps have never heard the gospel fully. I love seeing the girls that I'm meeting with in CCC share their faith, and in a way this is even more encouraging - to see the people I am pouring into pour into others. Yet at the start of this year I felt like God had put the Asian community on my heart, and I am still trying to figure out what it looks like to reach out to them. I don't want to just preach the gospel, but to truly live it. Part of me feels that the reason why I haven't seen much happen is my fear of failure if I risked a lot to step out in faith. Please pray for me as I consider and pray about what the Lord might lead me to do, and that I wouldn't fear man or any human thing above fearing the Lord and obeying Him!

One thing that I am looking forward to is hearing from the Epic national team about where I will be going this summer! I can't wait to see where I might be sent, and I'm so excited to take students with me to do cross-cultural ministry! I'll keep you updated when I hear back in a few weeks.

Please send me any prayer requests that you have! I would love to be praying for you.

a testimony of His faithfulness

2007-10-07T22:38:00.000-07:00

"I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry." -Psalm 40:1

By the end of the summer, my patience was waning. For three months I had been searching and praying for ministry partners who would support me financially to minister to UCLA students, and still I was at less than 30% of my monthly support goal. Every day and night I was crying out to God to provide for me, but the chances of me being able to report to UCLA on time were looking grim. Then suddenly, the day before the first week of school, all the rest of the money came in!

Looking back on those weeks before my report date that I was literally crying to God, on the brink of losing all hope that raising this much money was possible, I can see how God was challenging me and loving me through the whole process. He answered my prayers for an awesome support team who would believe in me and fight with me in prayer. He showed me that my worth is not based on human ideas of success. He showed me his power and his grace in giving me all I could ask for and more. He gave me a picture of utter brokenness and trust. And most of all, he showed me that he is God, and I am not. What is impossible with men is truly possible with God!

Now, I am beginning my new job as a UCLA campus missionary, and honestly, I don't think I realized exactly what I was getting myself into! Having graduated from UCLA, I pictured myself this year being in my comfort zone, doing what I do best and thriving. Instead, I am finding the opposite is true! I am being stretched and tested. I have felt overwhelmed, weak, and frustrated. And somehow, through it all, I know that I am exactly where I need to be. At times that I have been weak, I sense the Lord is strong. At times that I have felt overwhelmed, I have been brought to my knees in prayer. At times that I have been tired, I have found rest in God. Now, more than ever, my desire is to seek the Lord, to trust in him and to love his people more.

My heart yearns for the Lord! It beats for Jesus, my savior! Who else but he could be so faithful and just? Pray for me, that I would continue to be teachable, soft clay to be molded by his hands.